Fill the Void

There’s only so much one can take you know?
Only so many lies you can stand to tell yourself.
Because it’s so hard to know that you’ll never be where you want to be because you weren’t good enough for yourself that you try to tell yourself otherwise.
The hardest part is trying to hold yourself together so that no one else can see how insufficient you’ll ever really be.
How insignificant you actually feel and well,
Quite frankly how idiotic it was for you to think that you will amount to something,
That would actually be worth someone else’s time to see.
And then there’s the part where you aren’t allowed to shed a tear because it’s not acceptable
Or because it makes you uncomfortable
Or because it makes you look weak.
So to have to cry alone,
In your car,
In your room,
In the shower,
Or any other place you choose to be.
It isn’t an escape anymore but a home.
And in that new home you have all of the things but you have them alone.
And all of a sudden,
Even things there begin to feel uncomfortable
And crying there will only feel like a hoax.
Another lie you have to tell yourself so that you don’t go insane.
Another reason to not feel like you’ve truly gone away.
I guess what I am trying to say is
“Will you come see to it that I’m not alone?”
Come keep me company?
Be my hand to hold?
Will you come and rescue me from this place I call “home”
And take me to a place where my heart will not turn to stone.
Help me to feel,
To see
And to realize what I truly am.
A diamond in the rough,
A gem among the rocks,
A hidden treasure on an uncharted island.
And worthy to be searched for,
Worked for,
And loved.
Real eyes,
That you are more than they could have ever hoped for.
No more crying and no more lying.
Simply living and slowly dying.
Filled with hope,
And love.
Never alone.
Never alone.

until next time,
your average human

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