RE:build

It’s good to know where everyone stands.
Apparently it’s been on me.
Big mistake.
And maybe I did this to myself
Allowed them to use me as a rock
But the harsh reality is that I’m only standing on sand.
Sinking.
I cannot stand on my own
Slowly I am reminded that I May have built my house on sand.
And while that’s ok
It also leaves everyone who stand with me deceived
Believing that I am something stable and steady
A place to find rest when they are heavy
But the unsettling truth is that I am much like them
Unstable
Unsteady
And always falling apart
It all makes sense
I’m just a person and
I don’t know why I thought I could be someone I am not
I am only human and that is ok
But everyone looks at me and thinks quite the opposite
They give me this grandiose description that I am amazing and incredible
But that is not the truth
So for all of you counting on me
Leaning on me
Standing on me,
I’m sorry to let you down
And I hope you have enough time to rebuild your home somewhere else
Somewhere safe.
Somewhere secure.
I’m looking for a place to build my own home before I can host any guest.
A place where my guests won’t fall.
A place where my guests will find peace.
So on this rock I stand where Christ is the architect and he is also master builder
But it doesn’t come without first tearing down what I once thought was my home.
A place filled with secret passages and unspoken pains.
Places where I left my blood, sweat and the tears that left the floors stained.
Letting go of the rooms that I filled with the deep agonizing screams from my chest when I felt like there was no other way.
I found darkness and loneliness within the confinement of those walls.
But now that I’ve broken and lost all that I am in that windowless house
I stand outside of the house and look at the sad and broken red door wondering how I’m even alive.
Wondering how the sunlight and fresh air hasn’t burned right through who I am
But I stand beside the master builder who prepares to break the grounds again
So that I can try again to build my home.
A home for more than just resting but for hosting those without a home or whose home is still being built.
I stand beside the builder and but the builder is also Me.

until next time,
your average human

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